Maia’s first birthday was a day of assorted emotions for several attendees – our family now jokes that everyone had a great time at Maia’s party except Maia! She definitely owned the classic, “It’s my party and I can cry if I want to” attitude!
Our party’s theme was, “Maia’s a Wild One” and included a mix of boho-tribal-Native American vibes. We decorated our house, the backyard, and each other with hand-made dream catchers, feather headdresses, bright colored fabric garland, and wild-flowers. We moved Maia’s teepee into the back yard for the cake smash photo-backdrop and assembled a craft station for the kids where they could make their own construction paper headdress and pose for photos also. My mother and I baked her a sugar-free smash cake (which she hated, as you can see in the photos! She only stopped crying when I brought her vegetables out, ha!) For the guests, we baked French macarons, cupcakes, and customized ‘Be Wild for a While” cookies as a takeaway thank you gift. We provided a catered BBQ lunch with “wild rice” and “wild berries.” And of course, plenty of celebratory libations so our guests could get “wild!”
We are so thankful that so many of our closest family and friends attended the party, and even more so that several extended family members were able to fly in and celebrate the birthday babe. And even though we advised guests not to bring presents, we received so many, and are truly grateful for everyone’s love for Maia; she is absolutely having a blast with all these new toys that light up and make loud noises (mama, on the other hand, at 5 in the morning, is less than overjoyed… but hearing her little giggle is all that matters!) Both Maia’s grandmas were extremely helpful the week prior in crafting and baking (and attempting to manage my stress, ha!) With all the party preparations, my day job, and Maia’s daily needs, I got lost in the to-do lists and the actual idea of my baby aging really didn’t occur to me until mid-way through the party. My friend and mama-mentor, Carolyn, and her adorable son Isaac (Maia’s first suitor, 1.5 months her senior) attended the birthday festivities, as I had a month ago celebrated Isaac’s birthday in their home. The four of us had met several times throughout their first year on various play dates and it has been SO fun to see them interact and grow into the little one-year old beings they are now. And, Carolyn has been a true God-send to me. From introducing me to life-changing swaddling blankets, and soothing nursery songs, to informative feeding and reflux advice, and just general mommy-support – I am truly grateful for this woman! So, after the party mingling, the lunch, the cake smash, the present opening, the endless photographs, I found myself alone with Carolyn and the Moment arrives, and we have a comfortable cry in the kitchen.
Before I begin to digest these emotions, let me back up… To be honest, Maia’s party was just as much a celebration for ME as it was for her. I somehow managed to keep her alive for a whole year…breastfed for a whole year, YAY TO ME! I’m not a woman who typically indulges in self-congratulation, but in this case, I was ready to treat myself to an over-pour of champagne. Maia, though phenomenal in all other aspects, was never an exceptional or expedient nursling, and throughout the year I worked through several struggles with milk supply which forced me to eat all sorts of strange, unappetizing lactation producing foods like fennel, barley, fenugreek and raspberry leaf tea, etcetera. And all the pumping… pumping in the car on my commute, on my lunch break, in the airport, staying up late to pump. And Finally, the principal inconvenience, the severe reduction of WINE intake! By the way, it’s a gross misconception that mamas-to-be need only avoid alcohol for 9 months, which is hard enough. But tack on breastfeeding… there’s another 12 months – so you’re talking almost TWO YEARS of low or no happy juice… which is enough to put any woman in the crazy house. But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes Maia’s party. Ok, let’s just say OUR party. I was counting the days…365 to be exact, until I could wean her and claim my body back and eat and drink whatever my tummy desired.
And the party came. And I cried. And the days after, I cried. As I was nursing her, thinking it was going to be one of the last times, I envisioned her growth… into a toddler, to pre-school, dating, driving, graduating….I prayed, “Oh Lord, make it stop, don’t grow up!” Why have I not been savoring these moments more? Why did I ever look forward to this day? It feels as if nursing is the last physical tether between me and my baby and if I discontinue this practice, I am admitting it and allowing her to mature, and this has released a torrent of emotions that I’m not fully prepared for.
Looking back now, I remember people telling me… “Enjoy This.” Two simple words that made me cringe every time I heard them. How can I when this is happening and that is going on and she’s crying and I’ve had no sleep. Now I GET it. Why is it that that old cliché is all to true sometimes…You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. Now I see a frazzled mother/newborn combo and I want to run up and shake her, “Do you understand??? This time flies by so fast, are you taking it all in?” But I refrain. Those women are probably just like me, and these are the kind of lessons one must learn oneself.
I am reminded of a devotional book I read while pregnant, “Savor” by Shauna Niequest; she encourages her readers to do just that – to fully enjoy and be present in everything life has to offer, continuously. Boy, how different it is re-reading these chapters this go around! It’s finally time to admit – my baby is growing up. I can’t stop or slow it down, but I can somehow endeavor to savor these moments now, every minute, every day. Every smile, giggle, facial expression, every new experience, every lesson learned is a true gift that I will try not take for granted.
Photos by Renee Bones Photography
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