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Target Mamas – One Tip to Make Their Day

August 27, 2017
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I know what you’re thinking.  I’ve seen those Target Mamas.  When I run to the store on my lunch break or between meetings they’re there…all the time.  Is that all they do all day?  Must be nice.  Well, let me tell you how sympathetic I am for these women, and how, for a short duration, I became one.

I stayed at home with my baby for 6 months before returning to work and I do not regret it.  I spent so much enjoyable time with my daughter, Maia, and I was fortunate to be able to see a lot of ‘firsts.’  I wish I could say I took a lot of naps, cooked delicious and healthy meals, became an expert baker, read all the baby and self-help books, practiced the piano, and finished the rest of the laundry list of things I would do during my ‘time off.’  Yes, I’m ashamed to say I thought my maternity leave would be filled with all these things.  There’s actually a note in my Iphone that I had complied with all of the tasks I wanted to complete before returning to work.  I don’t think I accomplished one.

Pre-baby, I was a the 2016 version of a 30-something-young professional-energizer bunny.   Gym, work, happy hour, errands, chores, you name it – all in one day.  Post-baby, not so much.  For the first 2 months, I was lucky to feed myself in addition to keeping my baby alive, fed, and satisfied.   Not only that, but our pediatrician recommended, basically, house arrest during this time to avoid Maia catching the flu.  When my husband went back to work after week one, I was lonely.   After 6 weeks, what resulted was a complete social deprivation.  I went hours without seeing or talking to anyone but my baby and it drove me mad.  And I’m an introvert!  I can’t even imagine what this does to extroverts.

After my pediatrician finally released me into the wild, I started going to Target and the Mall just to get out of the house.  What else was I to do – everyone I knew was working?  At first the expedition was an errand – a pretext – I NEED extra pacifiers.  (btw, where do they all go?)  I kept my baby in the stroller car seat with the drape over her, in hopes that she wouldn’t catch any germs.  I would buy a Venti  Starbucks Latte and wander around purchasing things I didn’t know I needed until a meltdown was foreseeable.  The coffee not only gave me the much needed energy after my sleepless nights, it put me in my happy place. Did you know caffeine is a natural mood booster?  I can attest that it works!  I found myself chatting with the cashier and eventually starting conversations with strangers in the baby aisle.  I can hear these women now speaking to their husbands afterwards, “Honey, see that crazy lady with the rats nest hair?  She just talked my ear off for 5 minutes about her baby’s gas!”   It sounds so sad now that I’m writing this down, but this store-coffee-social hour routine became a therapy for my baby blues and I looked forward to this outing every few days.

Then came 3 month checkup and we determined our baby had acid reflux and the doctor recommended giving up caffeine and dairy.  NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!   My one outlet contained both!   But I did it, and I tried every almond and coconut decaf drink out there and they all were terrible.

This dreaded dairy deprivation reminded of a time when I started my first job post-college.  I met a woman at my office who, every morning, left at 9:00 am to go on a coffee run with her cubicle mates.  One morning, none of her friends were there, and she asked me to join her.  I was a little unprepared and I uttered one of several excuses, “I just graduated and don’t make enough money to be drinking 4$ coffee, “ or, “ I have too much work to do,” or, “I’m still trying to lose my freshman 15 and don’t need the extra 300 calories.”   I specifically remember the look on her face and her response, “Please. This is the only thing I look forward to every day.”  But, you see, at this point in my life, I couldn’t imagine this kind of attitude.  I was a bright eyed millennial, eager to please and excited to begin my new career.  Now, looking back, I wish I would have joined her on this trivial outing.  This woman needed that coffee and a companion like I did, 10 years later.  I eventually learned that she really disliked her job and craved a marriage and kids.  She ended up quitting and through mutual friends, I was told that she did achieve these goals, thankfully.  But I often think about this wasted opportunity to cheer her up with regret.  I sometimes try to make up for it….I will pay for the person’s coffee behind me if they look like they’re having a rough day.  (I’m back on dairy now…”and loving every minute of it” picture Kramer’s voice in the Seinfeld commando scene)   Or If I see a mama-baby combo, I try to engage her in a conversation and ask about her kids, knowing that not too long ago, it was me that was craving human interaction.

So, if you happen to encounter an over-caffeinated, under-hygiened, Target Mama during your next outing who looks like she could use a friend, maybe consider putting down your cell phone and chat her up.  You will probably make her day!

Further Reading...

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Put on your Big Girl Pants – Re-discovering your Self-Discipline

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Un-Slump Yourself Part 2 – through Self-Study, Intuitive Listening, and Design Thinking  

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